How to Improve Relationships: Creating Intimacy, Creating Distance
It can be understood that every person in a relationship is responsible for co-creating whatever they experience in the relationship. If you are in a relationship review the two lists below and see what you are creating more of: intimacy or distance.
Factors Which Promote Intimacy and Closeness between Partners
- Regular, consistent attention for one another and the relationship
- Respect for one another and the relationship
- Regular healthy verbal communication
- Regular physical contact (frequency and type mutually agreed)
- Promotion of physical and emotional safety at all times
- Spontaneous surprises on occasion
- Regular expressions of care and tenderness as defined by your partner
- Regular expression of feelings
- Managing conflict as it emerges
- Creating regular time alone together
- Anger and resentments expressed and resolved
- Realistic expectations which are regularly communicated
- Being honest and straightforward with your partner
- Acceptance of your partner's personality and characteristics
- Promoting your partner's growth as an individual
- Taking responsibility for your relationship/life problems
- Understanding the impact of your family of origin on your relationship
- Taking the time to listen to what your partner thinks and feels
Factors Which Promote Distance between Partners
- Lack of attention to one another and the relationship, lack of respect for one another and the relationship
- Lack of good communication
- Lack of physical contact
- Verbal, physical and/or emotional abuse
- Predictable routine interactions
- Few expressions of caring and tenderness
- Unexpressed feelings
- Avoiding conflict or resolving it
- Avoiding time spent alone together
- Presence of unspoken or unresolved anger and resentment
- Unexpressed or unrealistic expectations and assumptions
- Fearful of asking for what you want
- Lying and deceiving
- Trying to change your partner's basic character
- Stifling your partner's growth as an individual
- Blaming your partner for most or all of your relationship/life problems
- Ignoring the impact of your family of origin on your relationship
- Assuming what your partner thinks and feels
- Living in the past
- Emphasizing problems
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What is Psychotherapy?
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Psychotherapy may be understood as healing of the mind.
It can be seen as a healing process by which a psychotherapist helps a client learn about the 'self' that he or she has perhaps been unconsciously and unsuspectingly concealing, primarily from himself or herself.
The process involves a confidential and mutually trusting relationship between the person and the therapist. It is an intimate relationship but not a social one.
In other words the therapist makes his or her mind available for the client to recover...
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